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of scars and secrets

Ten Scars, for thetenspot

1) I have a scar on my stomach. It’s three inches long and thick, like a twisty white vine. It happened when a demon cut out my internal organs to see if I could grow them back. I can, but it took a lot of effort, so my skin took a few weeks to follow suit. It was my first scar.

2) I have a scar shaped like an undelivered message. I’m not a messenger anymore, not really, but the first time God gave me a message after Edmund, I resisted for so long that it burned onto my mind and my heart. I didn’t want to return to who I had been, although I don’t know if that’s more or less than who I am now.

3) I have a scar on my back, nearly six inches long. It’s where my wings came out while they were dislocated. Normally the muscle and skin parts to let them through. But not if they’re dislocated. Then they just push right on out.

4) I have a scar that’s an empty cupboard. I don’t remember to eat very often. Zachariah reminds me, but if he’s not around I just don’t eat. It’s not good for me, but I can’t help it.

5) I have a scar down the side of my face. I don’t remember how or when it got there. It’s the most visible, but oddly, the least memorable.

6) I have a scar that’s a small brown and white puppy. I spent three years in agony because I tried to save him. What hurts most is that I failed.

7) I have a scar just below my lip. It’s very small, almost unnoticeable. I bit through my lip to keep from screaming so many times that eventually it just stopped healing.

8) I have a scar that’s the view of the Pacific Ocean from a sandy beach. I only saw the ocean once, before Edmund. Then I forgot it. I forgot so much while I was there – the feel of grass between my feet or fur under my fingers, the way the light creates rainbows, the sound of the wind in my ears. I knew I had seen the ocean but I couldn’t remember it. Finally I went back there, to that specific spot. It wouldn’t have been right anywhere else.

9) I have a scar on my wrist. I keep a handful of Edmund’s magic wrapped around my wrist at all times, so if he starts to tug, it won’t be ripped from my heart or my mind. So when he tugs, it cuts the skin around my wrist. The scar formed after about six months of that. I thought Zachariah would be mad, but actually he said what I was doing makes sense. In fact, he seemed pretty impressed with me.

10) I have a scar that’s an immaculate, dust-free apartment. I lived there, once. I never go there anymore. It’s the box that I came from, but there is nothing of me in that place.


Of careers and aspirations

I stole this from, uh, people. That my author knows. She didn't like hers because it assumed that just because she *likes* visual arts, that she's good at them. So she got weird and didn't post her results. Mine are okay, to a point.

- Go to Career Cruising, www.careercruising.com
- Put in Username: nycareers and Password: landmark.
- Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
- Post the top twenty results
- Put the careers you have seriously considered in italics
- Bold any careers you've had

1. Midwife - I could deal with this. For about a day. Babies are cute.

2. Taxidermist - W-W-W-W-WHAAAAAAT?!? O____O

3. Nurse Practitioner

4. Acupuncturist - Oddly, sticking people with needles appeals to me.

5. Chiropractor

6. Nurse

7. Public Health Nurse - ....what's the difference in all these nurses?

8. Naturopath

9. Athletic Trainer - Uh... would that involve my being athletic?

10. Licensed Practical Nurse

11. Podiatrist - I like Zachariah's feet. But I don't think anyone else's really appeal to me.

12. Physical Therapist

13. Surgeon

14. Plastic Surgeon - No. Just no.

15. Doctor

16. Dermatologist

17. Surgical Technologist

18. Veterinarian - YAAAAAY!

19. Obstetrician-Gynecologist - More babies.

20. Ecologist - I don't know what an ecologist does, but categorically I will call this less frightening than taxidermist or athletic trainer.

Sep. 15th, 2007

Ten facts list for thetenspot

1) I’m older than I look. I can’t tell you what I am – there are Rules about that sort of thing – but trust me, I’m older than I look.

2) But I’m told I act younger. I like video games and puppies and snowball fights. So maybe that just makes me weird, I dunno.

3) My best friend is an eighteen year old assassin of the supernatural. He taught me how to use knives. I’m pretty sure that’s saved my life at least twice.

4) I believe in God. In fact, I’m personally acquainted with the big guy Upstairs. But I don’t believe in organized religion. I loathe it, actually. It’s a way for people who want to be powerful to wear pointy hats and tell other people what to do and how to think. It’s also an excuse for the sheepish masses to never make big decisions and avoid accountability.

5) I love animals. I volunteer at the Humane Society, and we have the lowest euthanasia rate in the country. That’s because I’m a healer. Right now we have four cats, five dogs, a dozen or so birds, two rabbits, an iguana, a raccoon, a skunk, and a koi pond with a lot of koi and frogs. They never eat each other, but only because I ask nicely. I want a koala, but Zachariah – he’s my lover – says I can’t have one because it wouldn’t like it here in New York. He’s probably right, so I guess that means I need another house in Australia. Sometimes in the summer I’ll go up north and run with the wolf packs.

6) I need more hobbies, or at least that’s what Zachariah tells me. My hobbies currently consist of a) hanging out with the unholy triumvirate (Ian, the assassin, Mika, a death demon, and Dominic, a psychic teenager who takes glee in tormenting others), b) buying clothes that make Zachariah salivate, and c) bringing home more animals, which makes Zachariah wibble. So he thinks I need more hobbies. Thus the internet, although I fail to see how that’s going to keep me from being home more clothes or animals.

7) I’m crazy. Certifiably, clinically crazy. Not the type of crazy that you can slap a label on, like disassociative identity disorder or paranoid schizophrenia or anything like that. Just crazy. I’ve managed to put the pieces back together with a lot of help and time and love, but sometimes I still act pretty weird.

8) Why am I crazy? His name is Edmund. He’s a pain demon. Just speaking his name gives anyone in those circles the shudders. Feeling his aura will make them run for the hills. And I’m not talking about piddly-shit little demons; I mean the guys with the big guns, they run from Edmund. He kept me in his basement for three years. He broke my mind, but never my spirit.

9) Zachariah saved me. Forever is a strong word for creatures like us, but he means it, and so do I. I live for him, I would kill for him, and I would die for him.

10) Despite the above, I’m not melodramatic. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Always. It’s something that’s important to keep in mind.


My bitch typist author has Writer's Block. I guess this is really distressing her or something.

So in case anyone cares, I joined thetenspot to flex my creative wings. (Hah! I love irony.)

Of kitties and quizzes

So, I have a Livejournal now, I guess.

I wanted one with kitties. But I couldn't have one. It was really unfair! First I needed to put ads up. That's okay. My author got really annoyed with me and went off about "principles". What do principles have anything to do with kitties? She explained that I couldn't have a paid journal because she didn't have the money and LJ wouldn't accept my imginary money. Okay. I understand that. No money = no kitties. So I told her to put ads up and she went off and I said, but ads = kitties!

She had no foil for my logic, so I have ads. But still no kitties! You can't have the kitties without money!

Life is so unfair.

So then I found this other layout called "cuteness attack" where I could have kitties, but they had to be *pink* kitties. I don't like pink. Pink is light red, like watered down blood. No pink on my journal. My author said okay, look through the other layouts. And I realized without money, I couldn't have kitties *or* turtles *or* bunnies *or* puppies! Not even feathers!

In the end I wound up with a fox, and he is a pretty cute fox, so I guess it all worked out even though I didn't get kitties and I still have ads and my author is whining about them.

In the end, this is all I really wanted to do anyway:

If there was a Hell, this is where I'd be headed.Collapse )

Well, that's it for me for the time being. Laters.

PS: Oh! I forgot! My mood theme has kitties. That's better than nothing, I guess.


putting the pieces back together

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September 2007


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